my history and i....

Its been awhile since the last time i blogged. A lot of things happened and i'm glad its all okay now. This blog is about history, dedicated to those moments when you wished you had done something, the moments where when you look back you wished you could do it differently and the moments where you regretted that decision. But its not only those bad moments i'll be talking about. I wish to also touch those moments where you would cherish it forever, those unforgettably-totally-life-changing moments in our lives.

For me, i had a ton of those moments. The bad ones in particular are always the most memorable since, you know... it kinda scars you for life. Its ok right? its all been said and done and usually your already over it.... right?..haha...WRONG!! In truth is... its actually playing on a loop in your mind from time to time. Like an old broken record that wont stop playing the same old part of a beautiful song. I regret these moments. These moments of absolute weakness. And those moments when my dumb side comes out. And also those wrong time moments where you wished you were never there. I've stolen stuff ( i admit its bad- but that was when i was just ten i think and am not doing it anymore.), i've lied (yes i have.... a lot... trying to change that.) yes, i have talked smack about someone that i was not suppose to and yes my decision making processes aren't perfect and has a bad record. The list goes on and on and on... I know a lot of you people do these kinda of stuff too and have these kinds of situation happen in any particular moment of your lives, but hey, these stuff makes us human. And another thing with regrets is... you wont want to repeat it again. How crazy is that? haha.

The other part of history, which are the good moments are always the ones that are over shadowed by the bad one. Like always, we tend to see the black from the white. I loved these moments. I cherish them dearly. The great moments with my siblings. The moments i had with my friends. The great feeling of being a part of something big. These are all moments that i would like to live it again. It keeps me going. But the problem is, i tend to forget it. Forget about the moments that led me to the memorable ones. And the bad memories keep repeating back. I'm also afraid that history would haunt me one day. I know most of it was when i was younger and more naive and stupid, but the fact that there is a probability that someone out there might remember is just scary. I dont want to be the guy that loses everything because of one little dot in my history. Or be alone because of what ive said in the past. It's all so overwhelming.

So, what can i say from all this stuff? Well, firstly, nobody is perfect. There was only one record of a perfect human in this world and everybody is trying to follow him. The history that we make is a part of us. It defines who we were and what we had learnt and it affects our personality today. Without it you're not you.

Secondly, be thankful for you history. Without them, you might be doing those stupid stuff today or maybe in the future where it affects more. Without them, maybe you wont know how good it is to score in an exam or how much it hurts falling from a bicycle or how great it feels to be in love. Those moments gives us appreciation of what we have now, so be thankful.

And lastly, live life to the fullest. Honestly, you can't live life with no regrets. Its ignorant and its selfish. Living life with no regrets just shows how much you dont care about what you did in the first place. Live life to the fullest. With this, you would avoid mistakes that you had done in the past. The things that made you regret. And continue doing things that spur those memorable moments in your lives.

My history is not much. But its full of ups and downs and i'm thankful for it and the beautiful part about my history is.. I'm still writing it. I hope you have the power in you to write it yourself too. Goodluck to you...

More than words...

words.
its the basis of a phrase or a sentence and is a particularly important thing in speeches and written materials. It's one of the most simple thing to us but without it, we're nothing more than mere mammals.
For me, i find it really interesting how this simple little thing that could just consist of two letters combined together affect a persons day. The word "hi" for example could put a smile on someones face and if you're lucky, could be just the thing to start a conversation that could transmit into something that could affect your happiness for a lifetime to come. You see, its so simple. But yet, its usually underrated and unappreciated. Misused language and sometimes bad words ( i myself admit of having uttered those words numerous times in my everyday life) are often a part of our everyday lives making it a little bit worse than its supposed to be. Its the essence in a persons life that portrays his personality. Its the little thing that could be used for your success or even for your own demise.
I like words. Hell, i love it. Its the thing that i certainly use to transmit my feelings. Its the thing that makes me happy. I talk a lot. I admit it. I even sometimes annoy people with my words. But you need to understand, i love it. Words are so beautiful that it is needed to represent and identify beauty itself. So how beautiful do you think it is? Its the very thing that could define another thing. How significant is that. Songs and poetry and essays and resume's are all here because there are words.
I especially love words because of the connections that it has helped me establish up to this day and for the days to come. I've met friends and special peoples and teachers and others in my life because of it. I've even had the chance to appreciate others for what they did for me using words. I'm really thankful for that. They convey what i need to tell people of how i feel. It really lifts the burden of having this pressure building up in you when you need to get something out of your chest. Having said that, i' really thankful for the creation of words and language. Without it we may have to communicate with just grunts and facial expression which would be really difficult and not fun at all. Imagine an old lady trying to ask you to help her pick up somethings for her from the store. Wouldn't it be a long process and uncomfortable with a lot of confusion in what the lady wanted in the first place if not a single word were used. Sign language could help but without words how would you know what sign means what. The signs in itself are a form of words.
Words need to be appreciated. Its the building blocks of our civilization and society. Without words no religion could be spread. No idea can be transmitted. There would not even be classes or marriage or laws or technology for us to live the way we live today. We should avoid using words in vain.
Since the ramadhan month is here, i think it is a good time for me to give a few advices about words.
1. Avoid using words in vain.( it could hurt people sometimes and it isn't comfortable when that happens)
2. Practice the words that are great. (the alquran contains tons of it for your information)
3. Study the words that are important. (be it on the subject you need to learn or the subject that you already know)

so thats it for now.. HAVE A GREAT RAMADHAN PEOPLE!!!

Beautiful Girls...

As the title suggests, this entry is dedicated to all the ladies out there.. (partially kidding)
The actual reason for this entry is to clarify a few things about guys and their perception of beauty. We're often misunderstood when we're admiring something and we never meant to hurt anyone in the process. haha.

First things first, a fact needs to be stated here so that you people (girls) can understand the basic way that a man operates. The fact is: Guys are attracted to stimulation from the outside, whether it be visual, or sound, or even touch. It's a proven theory, be it man or animal. We are kind of a little bit disconnected from the touchy-feely things that most girls feel. Don't get me wrong though. We do feel things sometimes, its just that its not the main thing that provokes us to act or do something about it (and the fact that most guys try to hide it in the effort of maintaining their 'macho'ness doesn't really help in us being in touch with our feelings). So mind us when we start appreciating beautiful things. It's really actually in our genes.

We like beautiful things. We watch in awe when a beautiful car is passing by, or when we hear beautiful sounds from music, even the sound of the recital of the Quran and not to forget the occasional awe when we see a really beautiful girl pass by. The fact that we admire these things actually doesn't mean we're probably going to make a move on it (occasionally maybe, but not always). It's just plain old admiration towards beautiful things. Yes, we sometimes utter things we're not suppose to, like, saying a girl is hot in front of our girlfriend (sorry to those girlfriends out there who had the chance to go through this), but you have to understand, its just admiration. Nothing more, nothing less. We still think that the girlfriend is beautiful in her own way (most probably better) but its just because the other girl passing by is also beautiful. Are we at fault for appreciating what god made? (and in certain cases: what man had a hand in helping make it beautiful?). Surely you don't think that right? haha.

In my perception, a beautiful girl is a girl that could pull off a white baju kurung, in the most blissfully innocent way possible. A girl that could talk with confidence but at the same time is really aware of what is going on and actually knows what she is talking about (ditzy girls are just plain). A girl that could just smile in anyway possible for her at the moment. A strong girl (not in the physical aspect but the emotional one). A classy one who knows how to bring herself with the manners and etiquette thats expected in a real woman. I know she's probably hard to find. Hell, she might not even exist. But why not have a perception right? It's only a view. A point from my perspective. I might have already seen the girl or something but, who knows?

On the same subject, I also know another thing. It's an old saying (you might have heard it from a certain advert or something) which goes: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" or so they say. So the person in question should be the judge. Don't let peoples' opinions sway you from what you think. Are you actually beautiful or are you not, the answer is of your own choosing. The guys just have their opinions. Nothing more, nothing less. Besides, a girl with confidence is surely attractive (not kidding).

So to the readers,
for the guys, try to hide some of your admiration of other things (or other girls) when you are with your loved ones and maybe even try to appreciate the things that are right in front of you ( I really think i should take my own advice) and for the girls reading this, its always and forever will be an honor and of utmost pleasure for us guys to see YOU.

p/s: This blog is written in my own perspective and has nothing to do with the guys who don't really feel like what i have just described and the facts are from my readings and perspective (so no one is actually accountable for what I think except myself).

summer time in nashville

Truth be told, summer is boring. I am writing this blog just because i'm bored. nothing thats really important or matters happened in this last two months... Just classes(which are boring), trips to places like Kentucky (went to nashville, was fun, but it was just overwhelmed by the boredness of summer), picnic(which was also fun but just lasted like for the night), and other unimportant stuff. i can just go on and on and on about this but what can i do... it just is.. haha

On a another note, summer made me realize, im f***ing lonely... haha.. how sad is that. The feeling just gets worse as the day comes to a close. The fact that i have now two roommates plus one helps a bit, but working just makes me lonely some more... even my roommates are busy working now... haha.. so what to do?? u tell me..

But on a positive note, a road trips coming up. I surely hope it would be a memorable one. i cant wait for the beach, the company, and the long hours of driving across the country(to those who are going for road trips, please be careful and drive safely cause i sure hope to see you guys here when i come back) .. hehe.

so as always i'll include something a little bit emo and maybe inspiring for those readers who are always thinking i'm a little bit emotional or for those who appreciate a good word or two...

See.... theres this boy whose life has been all but trouble... he grew up thinking no one was by his side. there was the mother who left him while he was young... a father who was always busy with his work... grand parents and relatives who are loving but still feels distant...he feels alone and unsure of who are the people that he really knows...
But on one normal day his grandfather said... "although you feel alone.. theres always going to be someone by your side.. even for a short while and a few in the long run and some that will surely be there.. rest assured.. you will know who they are".. this grandfather of his pasts away a short while after that, while he was in school ... how lonely he felt then... but like his grandfather said... theres always someone around him no matter what.. he starts to realize this...his friends helped him study, feel included, were there during the bad times and the good.. the teachers thought him nearly everything he needs to know.. and the parents has always provided with everything he needs no matter how hard it was... and his life goes on knowing this...
Although the this boys life story has yet to come to an end... there are somethings that could be learned from it.. remember at least these four things:
1- No matter how hard it could get, somebody has it harder.
2- The people around you are there for you in whatever situation you have ( it wont be the same person in every situation but there will be a person for any situation)
3- Be grateful for what you have and what you will get cause you will never know when you'll lose them.
4- And finally, you need to remember that you will always have that one sanctuary that no one else could take away from you... its yourself and what you believe in.

So thats it for now... signing off.. me

MALAYSIAN ARTISTE FOR UNITY

Its been awhile since i last posted a blog. It's just because there's nothing much happening here in nashville and no emo tantrums seem to come out of me lately. Stability has stepped in maybe. Or probably its just maturity. *smiles*
This blog entry is actually meant to support a movement done by our artiste in Malaysia. It just shows that in all the chaos in the world we still have our beloved country. Its actually not just a feeling meant to be felt only by Malaysians but all the people that lives in this world. Our home sweet home.. Tanah tumpah darah kita... Our "kampung halaman"... so enjoy the video posted on my blog and support the movement for a good cause..Why don't you visit their official web site while your at it here: http://www.malaysianartistesforunity.info/

p/s: i miss my home...

the peacefulness of nothing...

I've been thinking lately (working late nights makes u think a lot fyi.. ), people love what they're used to. Its a fact. An instinct. A feeling of safety and security. When we are used to things, we take it as it is and go through it quite easily with no worries. Its a great feeling and i myself likes it very much. For instance when we're with family, we feel safe and happy. No worries. We have our parents, siblings, cousins and the whole shebang. Its great and all.
The problem is, its actually bad. Firstly, when we feel secure, we often let our guard down. We cant think fast enough to cope with any sudden changes. We cant act properly according to logic and stuff in case of an abrupt change from that routine. Thats what makes us weak. Makes us cry when we lose a certain someone. Makes us feel weird when somebody does something out of the ordinary. When suddenly we have to do something we're not used to.
The other problem is, we often remember what we have and start to feel stuff. Like missing someone, missing a certain activity and other things. This makes us needy. And sometimes makes it hard to move on or accept that change.
I've been wondering of how to cope with these changes and also on how we should really react. I am still wondering. What would you do after this? when our studies end? when our relationships end? when our friends leave? when we stop working? when everything we know now ends?
The answer : i don't know.
Whatever it is i only that moving on is the best way. With the things we've learned from all the things before, it should be enough to get us through even if we're going forward without a single clue of whats in front of us. So my advise is to just be strong and move on. (should be hearing to my own advices now.)

the number game

its been awhile since my last post and it seems that its time to add another one to this new and empty blog. hehe. well it seems that although its spring break, time doesn't seem to get any longer even though there is nothing to do. sleeping seems to be taking more and more of my time these days.
Back to my topic, the number game. It seems to me nowadays everything comes down to the numbers, how long your last relationship was, how many broken bones you've had, how old you are (note: thanks to those who wished for my birthday!), how many A's you've got for your spm and the list goes on. Yes, i know it matters, but cant those stuff be personal? A thing that is just on a need to know basis... there is a reason for it to be called personal (mind your own business people! ) but still everything comes down to those numbers. Geez, i seem to be loosing in so many ways in the number game. But what the hell, no one knows my actual numbers.
on another note, another important thing involving numbers will be out soon; the general elections in malaysia and also the general election for the MSAV. to all the people involved, good luck and may the numbers favor those who really deserves it.

The matter of the heart

Well.. have u ever heard of a story of the heart?
Theres this one story that i read in an article one time way back when i was in high school. The story goes like this:
A young man came up to an old man and was curious by the conditions of that old mans heart, so he asks, "Why is your heart is so ugly? its full of patches and holes and consists of numerous colors.". The young guy went on and boasted that he had a beautiful heart with no holes or patches and is a fiery red in color. It even beats unfailingly every second without fail. The old man just laughed. The old man then turned around and asked "Have you ever loved anyone before?". "No." the young man answered. Thats when the old man said "Well then, your heart is not perfect at all." The young man was confused by this answer and asked the old man what makes his heart so special when compared to his. So the old man answered, "My heart is perfect because it went through a lot and still kept beating for him.". The old man went on and explained that the patches were from old loves and friendship. Every time he loved someone he gives a piece of his heart to that person. Sometimes he gets a part of the persons heart in exchange and sometimes none was given back. That is why his heart has holes and patches. The colors are from different kinds of love he received. The love from his parents were of a different color when compared to his teachers. His friends love are different colors when compared to the love he received from his lover and so on. His heart sometimes stops beating because he was reminded of an old friend or of his long lost family members. And sometimes just stop because of the beauty in the hearts of his children and friends. His heart was perfect. He experienced every type of love and heartache imaginable and still lived. The young man was then stunned. He never thought he was so selfish when all this time he was only thinking of his heart being perfect. So he rips a part of his heart and gave it to the old man and the old man did the same thing in return.

So the moral of the story is, heartbreaks and love stories are things that make us human. Our GOD, Friendship and family are all the things that make our heart beat through hardships and times of happiness. It builds us up to be a better person and gives us experience that we can never get in any other way. I hope you have at least loved once for loving is never a waste and a person who never loves is not a person at all.

my first thoughts..

This is my first official post actually... so here goes.
First things first,
the thought of writing a blog has always intrigued me. So I was wondering whether this is a good thing or a bad one. The ability to just tell people how you actually feel is rarely available in every individual out in the world, so mostly I envy those who can. Telling others how you feel is always a great feeling, but sometimes it hurts right? so this was my question... I don't need an answer now. But i hope I'll know about it under good circumstances.
The second thing is about me...
Well, people tell me this, people tell me that, but one thing for sure... my emotional trait has always been criticized.. hehe... but what the hell right... It's true, i cant deny. But the great thing is, for you people out there, I'm in a happy mood today.. hope it stays for quite a while...

new beginning

well this will be a new journey... stupid friendster needs money from us to publish our own thoughts... so this is where the words will now pour... hope it will be a good and entertaining one...